Relationship counseling?

Relationship counseling is often a last resort for couples on the brink of the divorce. But some couples try counseling early on when the first problems arise. Counseling is certainly something that a couple shouldn’t be afraid to try, even if the problems are relatively minor. Often, catching small problems early with counseling can prevent bigger problems down the road.  Early counseling can even sometimes help prevent a future divorce.

Today’s couples seem more eager to try to new things, which makes counseling a good option. Couples married years ago seem less likely to go to counseling or try new approaches, perhaps because it wasn’t something commonly done when they were younger. Very often marriages of 30 or 40 years now end in divorce, which is a shame because they’ll never know if relationship counseling could have helped save the marriage.

If you feel like you need relationship counseling, be sure to ask your partner to go to counseling with you in a non-judgmental way. If you ask him or her to go to counseling in a way that seems opinionated, you’re likely to encounter resistance to the idea. Try to make it clear that you want the counseling "at least" for yourself.

If you ask your partner to go to counseling because you have some issues you need to work on, they’re more likely to view the idea favorably. Explain that you think you need some help to be able to contribute more to the relationship, and to learn how to be a better partner or spouse. Don’t accuse the other person of needing counseling. Even if you believe that they are most of the problem, don’t say so. Once you’re in relationship counseling, they will learn tips and techniques for being better within the relationship, just as you will.

Don’t be afraid to suggest relationship counseling, whether you’ve been in the relationship for 3 months, 3 years or two decades. It’s never too late to try counseling to resolve problems. And it’s never too late to try to keep small problems from becoming big ones. If the relationship is relatively new, you might think that you’re admitting to problems, or admitting that the relationship is rocky by suggesting counseling. But that’s not true. By facing any obstacles now, you’re making the relationship stronger in the long run.

If your partner believes that your suggestion of relationship counseling means that the relationship isn’t perfect, and maybe even is doomed, calmly explain that that isn’t true. Just because you’re willing to admit that everything is perfect shows that you’re willing to make necessary changes to keep you both happy.

If your partner refuses, go on your own. While the counseling would work best if both of you go, you can go and work on things to improve yourself. If your partner sees you going to relationship counseling, they’re more likely to give it a try.

We are dedicated to helping you through the tough times associated with Divorce and separation.  Or, if you are looking to keep that already good relationship fresh, we also have many great FREE Best Romantic Ideas, and even advice on spicing up things in the bedroom!  So, for more help with Divorced dad help, check us out.  Thank you!

Divorced Dad Help! Things to do first.

Documents.

Move your documents and other papers somewhere else, like your friend's house or some other off site storage. You can expect that your children's mother will be going through your personal items, automobile, cell phone, bills, and computer, looking for any information she can use against you.

Bank Accounts.

Go to the bank and divide the joint bank accounts in half and open a new account in your own name. I opened an account in a new bank even. It is usually easier to give money back than to get it back. If you are the main moneymaker do not leave your children and their mother with no money. This will only aggravate the judge who will make you pay anyway, and most likely it will be retroactive. Make arrangements so that bills will be covered. Let your children's mother know what you have done, but not before you have done it. You do not want her to clean out your accounts first.

Valuables.

Move any valuables, like collections, jewelry, artwork, firearms, cash, and heirlooms out of the house to a safe place. Anything with significant or sentimental value. You are not trying to hide things. But you do not want to come home from work and find that your valuables have been sold at a yard sale.

Credit Cards.

You do not want to wake up one day and discover that your children's mother has charged $2,000 on your joint credit card on a spending spree. You may be responsible for paying part or all of that $2,000. Close all joint credit or loan accounts and notify the banks, charge cards, and others by a certified, return receipt letter that you are no longer responsible for the expenses of your children's mother. You may ask the company to reopen an account in your own name. This is a good time to request it. Let your children's mother know so she is not caught by surprise at the grocery store when the credit card no longer works. If she has already started her spending spree, report the card as stolen. If she has charged her attorney fees on the card, you can dispute the charges with the company.

Insurances.

If you cover your spouse or children on your insurance, do not drop them from the policy at least until the divorce is final. You are probably responsible for at least half of their medical bills until then anyway. Even after the divorce, the employed spouse may want to keep the spouse and children covered. If you are paying child support, a large unexpected medical expense for the child could be assessed against the noncustodial parent as additional child support. The same could happen with alimony and an ex-spouse. Federal law allows most employees to cover their spouses for up to thirty-six months after a divorce for a small additional premium. However, the employer must be notified prior to the final divorce decree.

Household Type Expenses.

Two separate households cannot live as cheaply as one. It is time to cut costs as much as possible. Cancel anything you do not need like extra telephone lines or cable television. If there is any personal property you do not want or need, sell it. However, do not cut off the utilities on your children and their mother without giving them plenty of notice. Make sure you can prove this notice to the court because leaving your children and their mother high and dry never sits well with a judge.

Retirement Money.

Retirement funds acquired during a marriage are marital assets that can be divided by the divorce court. So chances are good that your wife will share in anything you contribute now to your pension plan at work or your Individual Retirement Account (IRA). Stop your contributions to your 401(k) account or other pension plan. Do not make contributions this year to your IRA. This will keep your spouse from getting part of it and chances are you will need the money soon anyway.

Get a Lawyer.

Find a good divorce lawyer and set up an appointment right away. I started by asking my coworkers for referrals and found one that way. Some lawyers charge for an initial consultation fee and some do not. In the initial meeting, you will be able to get some good advice and strategy for your particular situation. You will also be able to assess the attorney to see if it's a good fit for you. During this meeting, the attorney will discuss costs with you. But be aware that any estimate by an attorney is the roughest of all guesses and depends upon what your spouse and her attorney do. Your attorney will probably tell you not to sign anything before he or she reviews it. Your attorney will also advise you about other matters you will need to consider during this huge change in your life.

Finally - GOOD LUCK!

PLEASE, try to remain amicable. It is really in everyone's best interests. The lawyers get all the money when people play games. Good luck.

I am dedicated to helping you through the tough times associated with Divorce and separation.  Or, if you are looking to keep that already good relationship fresh, I also have many great FREE Best Romantic Ideas, and even advice on spicing up things in the bedroom!  So, for more help with Divorced dad help, check out the site.  Thank you!