Documents.
Move your documents and other papers somewhere else, like your friend's house or some other off site storage. You can expect that your children's mother will be going through your personal items, automobile, cell phone, bills, and computer, looking for any information she can use against you.
Bank Accounts.
Go to the bank and divide the joint bank accounts in half and open a new account in your own name. I opened an account in a new bank even. It is usually easier to give money back than to get it back. If you are the main moneymaker do not leave your children and their mother with no money. This will only aggravate the judge who will make you pay anyway, and most likely it will be retroactive. Make arrangements so that bills will be covered. Let your children's mother know what you have done, but not before you have done it. You do not want her to clean out your accounts first.
Valuables.
Move any valuables, like collections, jewelry, artwork, firearms, cash, and heirlooms out of the house to a safe place. Anything with significant or sentimental value. You are not trying to hide things. But you do not want to come home from work and find that your valuables have been sold at a yard sale.
Credit Cards.
You do not want to wake up one day and discover that your children's mother has charged $2,000 on your joint credit card on a spending spree. You may be responsible for paying part or all of that $2,000. Close all joint credit or loan accounts and notify the banks, charge cards, and others by a certified, return receipt letter that you are no longer responsible for the expenses of your children's mother. You may ask the company to reopen an account in your own name. This is a good time to request it. Let your children's mother know so she is not caught by surprise at the grocery store when the credit card no longer works. If she has already started her spending spree, report the card as stolen. If she has charged her attorney fees on the card, you can dispute the charges with the company.
Insurances.
If you cover your spouse or children on your insurance, do not drop them from the policy at least until the divorce is final. You are probably responsible for at least half of their medical bills until then anyway. Even after the divorce, the employed spouse may want to keep the spouse and children covered. If you are paying child support, a large unexpected medical expense for the child could be assessed against the noncustodial parent as additional child support. The same could happen with alimony and an ex-spouse. Federal law allows most employees to cover their spouses for up to thirty-six months after a divorce for a small additional premium. However, the employer must be notified prior to the final divorce decree.
Household Type Expenses.
Two separate households cannot live as cheaply as one. It is time to cut costs as much as possible. Cancel anything you do not need like extra telephone lines or cable television. If there is any personal property you do not want or need, sell it. However, do not cut off the utilities on your children and their mother without giving them plenty of notice. Make sure you can prove this notice to the court because leaving your children and their mother high and dry never sits well with a judge.
Retirement Money.
Retirement funds acquired during a marriage are marital assets that can be divided by the divorce court. So chances are good that your wife will share in anything you contribute now to your pension plan at work or your Individual Retirement Account (IRA). Stop your contributions to your 401(k) account or other pension plan. Do not make contributions this year to your IRA. This will keep your spouse from getting part of it and chances are you will need the money soon anyway.
Get a Lawyer.
Find a good divorce lawyer and set up an appointment right away. I started by asking my coworkers for referrals and found one that way. Some lawyers charge for an initial consultation fee and some do not. In the initial meeting, you will be able to get some good advice and strategy for your particular situation. You will also be able to assess the attorney to see if it's a good fit for you. During this meeting, the attorney will discuss costs with you. But be aware that any estimate by an attorney is the roughest of all guesses and depends upon what your spouse and her attorney do. Your attorney will probably tell you not to sign anything before he or she reviews it. Your attorney will also advise you about other matters you will need to consider during this huge change in your life.
Finally - GOOD LUCK!
PLEASE, try to remain amicable. It is really in everyone's best interests. The lawyers get all the money when people play games. Good luck.
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